Dream Team

The Dream Team played in Vegas yesterday, and put on a show, routing the Canadians by fitty. The team is the best team since the original version, and will destroy the world in Beijing. They actually bring up a very good question, though. Would I care about the Olympics if there wasn't a Dream Team going there? No. Do I care about one-legged sprinters trying to make it to Beijing, or sick passes from J-Kidd? J-Kidd. Do I care if Iraq sends athletes to the Olympics, or Kobe lighting up some third-world country for 70? Kobe. Do I care about a 41 year-old American swimmer who is defying all odds to go for gold, or LeBron dunking so hard on a Chinaman that they change the name of General Tso's Chicken to Kentucky Fried Chicken? Of course, KFC. So those are the story lines I care about, other than watching gymnastics to figure out with Eastern Bloc ho's are flexible enough to handle my pommel horse (and when they light the flame with that giant joint).

Tell me something I didn't know...GFY Edition

Tell me something I didn't know...

It's a sarcastic cliche that people use all the time...here's another one: Go Fuck Yourself. So today, I bring back an old favorite of mine, the GFY (Go Fuck Yourself) list. The theme will be things I know but am pissed about. Simple enough...

1. The NBA is fixed...

You don't have to look far from last night's NBA Finals game two. I'm not saying Boston didn't deserve to win, but I am saying that the referee's were sooooooooo into the vibe that the home crowd was giving off, they made a ton of calls for the Celtics, and not many for the Lakers. All you have to do is look at the offensive foul they called for Kobe's 2nd foul and look no further. I'm not saying that they were giving calls to the Celtics, but they were calling nothing for the Lakers. I expect the Lakers to get the same calls, in L.A....but in the end it comes down to David Stern...who get's a big GFY.

Update (6:15 P.M. EST) - Tim Donaghy just said that the 2002 Western Conference Semis (Lakers beat the Kings in 7) were fixed by two refs...I remember watching those games and thinking something was up, but something is telling me Donaghy is telling the truth, and the NBA is in deep do-do (shit).

2. Carlos Delgado is a bum

I know that he's almost 36 and regular humans don't get better as they get older, but here are some assumptions about Carlos Delgado that I have to get off my chest (this is after watching him boot a ground ball in yesterday's game in San Diego...yeah, I know he gotta couple of hits, BUT he still a bum). Here are the assumptions (and he's a class act, so it's kinda hard to lower the boom on him, but at LS.com nobody is exempt):

1. I'm under the impression that Carlos was on something...

YES, I am accusing Delgado of juicing. He's smaller than he was when he first came to the Mets, his production has gone down the shitter, and he swings and misses too much. He gets beat with fastballs in places where he didn't before. He wants to get to 500 HR's and is 61 away...Bring the girl ya brought to the dance...the little green homerun hitters (that's a foreshadow for number 3)

2. His passiveness is the reason the Mets are passive.

So we got this big, black guy playing first base...and he's a pussy (well, let's just say I think he's too laid back, but someone can be "laid back" and still have the fire to hustle every play, AND FIELD GROUND BALLS). I do think he is a good human being, but on the baseball field, he's the guy who bridges the gap between the English speaking vets, and the Latin speaking vets. He needs to be on the back page of the paper more often calling people "Gringos" and "Maricons". He needs to show some fire, and he might get angry and start playing better. A good Delgado, plus a healthy Alou, is what makes the lineup go. The Mets have to be the team that NO team is scarred of charging the mound against. There is no edge. If Delgado said more, then the whole team would have more of a bravado, and the Mets would win the NL East.

3. Carlos Delgado isn't the same person as of two years ago...He's really Pedro Cerrano...

Remember in Major League when Pedro Cerrano needed to sacrifice a live chicken to ensure he was going to have a good game? (for those of you too young to remember, it's a must watch...for those of you to young to remember that are female...310-903-3796). Then they got a bucket of KFC instead, and Pedro hit a game tying home run, and the Indians won the AL East. Well Carlos Delgado came to the Mets, hits some home runs, the Mets won the NL East...but it isn't a coincidence. A great sequel was expected in both. Didn't happen. Remember the crapshed movie that was Major League 2? Remember the crapshed season that was 2007 for the Mets? Both had Carlos Cerrano's fingerprints all over them. Remember Major League 3? Ya know about the '08 Mets... So I'm pretty confident that they ARE the same person. When you look at their pictures...it's no wonder they have never been seen in the same place.




See, same guy...So here is a big GFY to Carlos Delgado...GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!! (translation: I know a good HGH guy..310-903-3796)

Stay tuned for a David Wright/Roger Dorn article in 10 years....

3. The Chicago Bears need a QB

This might be the only "Tell me something I didn't know..." that's super obvious, BUT... here's the issue. Cedric Benson, Chicago's star, bust running back got nailed for driving under the influence TWICE, in Texas, in the last month (once in a boat, once in a car with some big ass rims). Then the Bears released him yesterday(okay...I started off saying the Bears needed a QB...but I don't wanna talk about it...I wanted to take a stance on how certain NFL players get a long leash, and some don't...but I woulda cut this bitchassni**a last year... there is no real purpose for "The Chicago Bears need a QB"...I just think it's time for a run-on sentence in CAPS, even though white people say 'you speak so well', because FUCKDAPOLICE). YA'LL THINK BECAUSE A BROTHA IS DRIVING A BOAT, AND HE'S GOT COGNAG ON BOARD, HE'S DRUNK? LIKE WE PLAN ON CRASHIN DAT SHIT AND SWIMMIN TO SHORE WE PLAN ON DRINKIN YAK BIG PIMPIN, SON WE AIN'T GETTIN OUR GATORS WET OR TAKING SWIMMIN' LESSONS AND SO WHAT I GOT A FRESH LINE UP, FRESH OUTFIT, BOUT TO HAVE THE PARKING LOT ON SMASH YOU AIN'T GOTTA PULL A BROTHER OVER BECAUSE HE GOT A CHEVY WITH A 454 IN THE HOOD, 125 ON DA DASH!!!

(back to 'you speak so well' mode):

Here's a hearty GFY to all Po'lice who got gotta hate on a brotha because he's flossin'...GFY, puercos...

So, GFY's to David Stern and da' Police (who have to have the most GFY's ever), and a GFY to Carlos Pedro Cerrano Delgado....

Peace, and see ya'll, tomorrow?

Summer Snatch - Finals Edition

It seems like every time I take a hiatus from writing my article, I reinvent a part of myself, so I can come back with fresh ideas. But, I'm a guy, so the only thing I have my mind on is sex, sports, food, cars, and drinking...so my ideas are as fresh as Audrey Bitoni's pee flapper after a hard day's work (Ms. Bitoni is the girl above, and if ya thought I matured during my hiatus, then you'll also believe that she is a virgin...in all holes). The sports seasons are changing, though. The NBA Finals just kicked off (the draft is coming up), baseball is in full swing, and hockey just ended. Throw in the French Open and Big Brown's eventual Triple Crown victory and you have a smörgåsbord of phenomenal sporting events. You know what's going on already...but you want predictions. And I got 'em...

Lemme start with the NBA...

We're one game into the Finals, and we're in for a classic. This is what the NBA needed, and I think the Lakers are going to pull it off. But here are the most important storylines to pay attention to:

1. Will Stuart Scott stop threatening viewers, and will his eye finally roll out of his head on live TV?

Stuart Scott is dangerously approaching Chris Berman level...fuck dat...he's at Dane Cook's level. Like Dane Cook, he's not funny, he's long winded, and he's probably been closer to Jessica Alba than I have, which is a travesty. The f'd up thing is before every commercial break he's like, "Don't turn the channel or we'll come to your house and pull the cable out." Word?!?! Please, Stuart, come to my house and try! You probably couldn't see the number on my house with your gooogly eye. Why did they get rid of Dan Patrick? Where is he? FIND HIM AND GET HIM IN THERE!! While we're on the subject of the TV coverage

2. Do all the commentators have to be former Knicks?

Van Gundy, Mark Jackson, Mike Breen, Marv Albert...the list goes on and on. It's not like they are bad commentators, but it just opens the door for a Stephon Marbury/Isaiah Thomas broacasting team in a couple years. I can see it now

Steph: That was a great play by Chris Paul.

Isaiah: It was similar to something I would do back in the day.

S: I know what else you would do back in the day...that 16 year old girl sitting in row 3.

Isaiah: That's it! Your suspneded...until the next commercial break.

S: Let's throw it back to Stuart Scott who's on location at Laredo's house, trying to pull out the cable. Stuart?

Stuart Scott: Hi...I'm at LaredoSlider's house where I just had my good eye stabbed out....

Laredo Slider: BoooYah, muthafucka!!

3. Kobe is a better teammate, and he's got AIDS.

All the commentators are saying, "Kobe's a better teammate", and, "He's one of the guys now". Not true at all...here's the translation: He's not banging out broads in every city he goes to now. That's it. Why is he hanging out with the guys? Because he probably got some disease that doesn't allow him to fuck (wheather they like it or not) girls without getting sued. The only whole in this theory is that if Kobe had AIDS, it would be cured tomorrow.

Anyways...Lakers in 7...I'll talk draft tomorrow...next my baseball prediction

The Cubs and White Sox will play in the World Series, and there will be a bench clearing brawl.

It will be Ozzie Guillen, Aramis Ramirez, and Carlos Zambrano vs. everybody in the stands and on the field. It'll be great. Pitbulls and chickens will come outta nowhere.

In tennis, Ana Ivanovic will win the French Open, and give me a exclusive interview afterwards.

The interview will be viewable on eskimotube.com...Search for keywords: foreign objects, tennis rackets, trophy, anal, shooting tennis balls, and facial.

Okay...last prediction

Big Brown will win the Triple Crown, only to have it taken away after it is found out that it's just Barry Bonds in a horse costume.

It's obvious the horse is on steroids, and it's named Big Brown. By the way, it's great that the horse is named Big Brown. If Big Brown wins, EVERY BLACK MAN IN THE WORLD HAS TO GO TO A BAR TONIGHT AND USE A PICKUP LINE WITH BIG BROWN IN IT. This is a godsend! I've been practing:

"Did you see the race today? Big Brown won...by 13 inches"

or

"I heard that Big Brown needs a new jockey, and is only auditioning white girls"

or

"Hey, baby...lets go back to my stable, so I can introduce you to Big Brown...but, I must warn you...he spits"

or

"Whoops...wrong hole...but, if you leave a Big Brown spot on my sheets...that's yo ass."

or

"I help you pay for the euthanization of any Little Brown's"

Sorry...abortion isn't a joke. Lemme change the last one.

"If you say that kid is mine...I'll run like Big Brown."

There ya go...now you have a guide to sports for the Summer. I didn't want to make a long article, so I'll give ya another one tomorrow. Some Obama/Clinton things, NBA draft, and a recap of how my pickup lines go...I'm out like Big Brown before he spits in some girls eye....

I propose...two more lead pipe locks

Some of you are probably wondering when an article from the Double B is going to appear on LaredoSlider.com again. Was there a falling out between the Double B and Laredo? Is there a 168 hour sale going on somewhere that is keeping the Double B away from the keyboard? Is there a Jewish holiday (other than a 168 hour sale) that prohibits the Double B from turning on a computer? Is typing too athletic, and dangerous, for the Double B? Can Laredo Slider come up with more Jewish jokes? I'll answer all the questions for ya: No, Maybe, Maybe, Probably, All Day Long, Biaaattch! Truth is, he has typed an article, but I'm really superstious right now, and holding on to it. Today marks a week from when the biggest Super Bowl, in a long time, kicks off. My Giants are hot, and as a fan I need to keep all loser fans from this site (The Double B is a Bears fan). I don't want whatever "mojo" Rex Grossman had last year rubbing off on my team. This year's underdogs are for real, and I'm not writing about the game for a reason. I need to keep things in perspective, and reserve all my energy for the 5-state riot I'm going on after the game. So everybody gets to read about Hooker-Offs, college hoops, and the NBA. Today is an NBA day...two games on ABC...Boston at Orlando and Kobe vs. Bron...

Yesterday, I picked two gems, and if you played them, no need for thanks...just send hookers, Guiness, and weed to my room, if I visit your city (see Mathematical Equation below). Today's games are tough because you never know when NBA players want to play. Some nights they just mail it in. Can I call these two games "Lead Pipe Locks"? I guess I can, but be cautious whenever you play the NBA...

Boston (-2) at Orlando

This is actually easy money. Boston is favored by two, but they will probably win by more than a bucket. Just to show how fixed the NBA is, I'll predict the game:

One o'clock starting time means that most of the players are half asleep (some of them would be getting to bed at this time). Boston comes out hot and almost buries Orlando early on. But, wait! The game is on ABC! The refs step in and rig the game to make it close in quarters 2 through 4. Maurice Evans and Keith Bogans try to break the record for most bricks tossed up, then the ABC cameras center in on J.J. Redick on the bench. They then say, "he can help a team somewhere". I then say, "yeah, in Korea...North Korea". Kevin Garnett almost gets ejected, Dwight Howard misses some big free throws, and Ray Allen gets hot down the stretch. Celts win 99-93

Cavs (+4) at The Lake Show

Kobe vs. LeBron, the two best players in the galaxy. The Lakers haven't been the same since Andrew Bynum has gone down, and the Cavs have been hot. This may be an epic game because 1.) LeBron doesn't fully believe he is the best player in the world, and he has to beat Kobe to prove it, and 2.) Kobe still knows he is the best, but his teammates have gone back to sucking, so he will shoot every time. Somebody is going for 50. Look for Kwame Brown to thoroughly embarrass himself 3 times this game. Jordan Farmar (the best Jewish player, EVER) will have an oppritunity at a wide open layup, and then take a three pointer because of the better value. Cavs win 107-101 (Kobe drops 53)...

Last, and certainly least, is the on-ice proposal of marriage from John Baldwin to Rena Inoue, last night. They are figure skating partners and after they finished their routine yesterday, Baldwin got on one knee and proposed (he actually had to do it twice, she didn't hear him the first time) Did I mention she is Asian? I love when I order Asian food and I order with the actual name of the dish (ex. Kung-Pao Shrimp), and they don't understand what you want. Then I'm like, "I'll take a 53" (the number of the dish on the menu). Then they ask, "Eggroorr?" (egg roll). Then I say yes, thinking that I was going to get a complimentary egg roll. Then 53 egg rolls show up an hour and a half later. What am I trying to get at? Don't ask Asian women to get married, if you end up having to ask twice, because in two years you'll realize you didn't get what you asked for and you'll have to put up with 53 of her non-vaccinated relatives showing up to live with you forever!

I think she thought he was gay...

Re: Reggie Do It! (Six Degrees of Fat Asses)

Another inter-office reply from Laredo Slider, to the Double B

Hey, Double B, a couple of points...

1.) If Reggie wants to call it a career, then he should marry Kim Kardashian. But he needs to subscribe to the Kobe Rules. Kobe knows not to get near Brandy, or any of her relatives. He went to prom with her (probably hit it…while she was asleep), and called it quits. That wasn’t a family he wanted to get involved with. He didn't want to get associated with fat asses. So what am I trying to get at? What I like to call the “Six Degrees of Fat Asses”:

Ray J bangs Kim Kardashian (fat ass)

Ray J is Brandy’s brother

Brandy marries Quentin Richardson (fat ass)

Quentin Richardson plays on the New York Knicks alongside Eddy Curry (fat ass)

Eddy Curry plays alongside Zach Randolph (fat ass)

Zach Randolph is the inspiration for a sandwich I created. It’s a bacon, pork chop, mayo, butter, fried chicken sandwich that I call the “Fat Ass” (it’s great with a Diet Coke)

2.) I like the reality show idea, but I don't think Kim Kardashian will do it. Not with Matt Leinart. She's into has-been African-Americans, or about-to-be has been Negroes. Let's line up a stellar list of those and shoot a reality series/porn series. Who would be good? Let's see....

Gary Coleman from Different Strokes...

How about M.C. Hammer ("Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em" would be the name of the show)?


What about a "Different World" stars Kadeem Harrison (Dwyane Wayne), and Sinbad? They can trade off, and we can somehow fit Theo Huxstable into the mix...


Or, let's have a show called "Keeping up With Kim Kardashian's Ass, South of the I-10"...I'm pretty sure we can get Deebo from Friday...

I'm pretty sure we can get Kim to fuck non-Blacks...She might be into Mexicans, Costa Ricans, or my favorite illegal alien...ALF!!!

We could make a killing in plush toys, and let's face it, he's nothing but a puppet...We can sell tickets to allow people to stick their fingers in it as he F's her, and she would never know. Alf can also open the door to another phenomenon: Foreign Objects. Do me a favor, and forward this e-mail to Disney.

TRIVIA

Who is the only person to put his balls in the mouth of Brandy and Quentin Richardson?

Kobe Bryant (Brandy, in 1996 after prom, and Quentin Richardson every year when the Knicks play the Lakers)

Holiday Jewish Jeers - State of da Bulls

What's a shitty week, in the life of a Chicago sports fan, without the witty commentary of The Double B? Last week, the Bulls bottomed out and completed one of the most disappointing years for Chicago sports. ***WARNING*** The Double B is Jewish. Therefore he doesn't believe in Christmas, Holiday Cheer, or Goodwill to All Men!!! This article will be critical about the state of the Chicago Bulls.

Laredo Slider has been pressuring me for a post the past two weeks. First off, I was taking my time of responding because Mr. Slider is a douche bag. Two weeks ago I was on my way to the Bulls/Sonics game. Before I left the office the betting line had the Bulls favored by 8 points. I wanted to bet to be somewhat entertained having to sit through a Bulls game. I called Laredo for his expert gambling advice. After screening his incoming calls, he called me back two minutes later. However, his advice was shitty at best. He stated the Bulls would probably blow it, told me to walk away from the bet, and then shouted derogatory facts about my religion. Needless to say the game was a complete blow out by the 1^st quarter and all I have to show for it is a free Big Mac (which I'm not complaining about) and more hatred towards my only black friend. Because of Slider I'm 25 dollars poorer.

I'm a little stuck of what to do now. Do I give him a second chance and redeem his NBA skills? Or should I start calling my white friends that don't watch the NBA till playoffs? I think the only way to settle this is a bet. I bet the Bulls will take the series from the Knicks on January 8 ^th. I attended the last Bulls/Knicks game and it was ugly, uglier than Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph fighting over a dropped biscuit. Luckily the Bulls won that game and scored over 100 points so I left with another free Big Mac (it's a delicious burger). The game is at the United Center, so I'll give Laredo Slider three points. The battle for the 8^th seed is on the line. Also, I'll bet the Knicks miss playoffs. That's two bets Slider! We can wager money or having to root for each other's teams. I will personally send you a Kirk Henrich jersey (three sizes too small) for you to show off. Also, you'll have to write into the Chicago Tribune blog area, Kirk's website, and submit an application, with photo, to be a Chicago Bull's Matador. Let me know your terms Slider.

Finally, I'd like to wish Skiles the best. He did a great job bringing our team back to respectability. Now I can't wait for our team to crumble and completely fall apart. John Paxson has made some decent moves, but lately needs to be bitch slapped by Kobe's penis. No Kobe, No Pau, and still four years later - no big man. Paxson made one three pointer and now he knows how to be a GM? I doubt Rick Carlisle will turn our team around, nor any other coach for that reason. What would turn our team around would be a guy that likes fat sluts from Colorado named Kobe.

-The Double B

Laredo Picture of the Day - Kobe vs. Lebron last night -WHY KOBE LOST

Laredo's Hottest Broads Walking the FACE OF THE EARTH, THAT I CAN SEARCH FOR THRU GOOGLE!!!!

I think the writer strike has affected my production. It’s not that I sympathize with these people, and I don’t sympathize with the studios (I do watch movies I don’t pay for…would you rather me be at home talking at the movie loudly, or at a theatre talking at the movie loudly?). It’s the holiday season, and I just want to see everybody get along. I know that the writers aren’t getting their fair cut. There needs to be compromise, or else you will get scabs crossing the picket line, like me. I will write for these TV shows for the same money, no problem. They’ll be better off because of it, too. I will write scenes in Desperate Housewives where a good looking black dude (me) moves on to the block, and causes a ruckus because he gets Eva Longoria pregnant (Desperate Housewives will be considered reality TV, because this good looking brotha (me) will really get Longoria pregnant). This will lead to an episode of Cheaters where Tony Parker suspects his wife of cheating (because of the Escalade-sized condoms in his trash can, and stolen car), only to find that he doesn’t want to bring it to the good looking black guy (me) who is banging out his wife. Must see TV, bitches! Sorry, I’m going off on a tangent…really I want to talk about a contingency plan for the networks if they can’t get good, new programming on the tube. Just assemble five of the hottest honeys, put ‘em in a house with secret cameras, liquor, and plenty of aspirin labeled containers filled with date rape drugs and ecstasy, and call it a day. Who would be the five honeys? That’s what this article is about…THE FIVE HOTTEST WOMEN LIVING NOW!!!!!! (not named Jessica Alba)

I want to do this right. It’s not going to be one through five. I’m just naming five straight up. This is a list of the five hottest girls. In my book, they are all 10 out of 10’s. They are all tied for first. I couldn’t include Alba because she is the obvious. But let’s get started:

Michelle Wie (age 18):

Michelle Wie is like a gallon of milk. You buy it, but really, are you going to drink a gallon of milk before it goes bad? (White people don’t answer). Her shelf life can be questioned. She’s a tall, athletic girl. That means that she will no longer be desirable around age 26 or 27 (she’ll be 6’1”, 170 by then). To top it off, she’s Asian. This is good or bad, depending on how you look at it. She’ll be content with going to Souplantation on special occasions, but she might run you over in your driveway one day. The one thing that Wie can produce, especially if you’re me, is a kid that will be athletic and smart. If I had a chance to “F” Michelle Wie, I would make sure that she swallows only half of my kids, the others will be put to good use (I can see myself now at the 2030 N.B.A. draft). I do think she is hot, and that’s all it takes to be on this list…

Megan Fox (age 21):

Otherwise known as “Mega Fox”, she may be hotter than Alba. She starred in one of the best movies ever (Transformers), and is one of the most stunning women whenever her picture is taken. I really don’t know much about her, other than the fact she was in Transformers, and I the fact I want to do her. Oh yeah, she is engaged to Brian Austin Green (the gay guy, who played himself on 90210). She has six tats (one of the aforementioned homo) which mean she is a freak, in guy language. I should change the name of this article from “Five Hottest Broads” to “Why Brian Austin Green should wear a bulletproof vest”.

Nautica Thorn (age 23)

When I write about these broads, I talk about how I would bang ‘em, and how Michelle Wie would be drinking my kids, etc. The chance of this really happening is small with them. With Ms. Thorn, it is actually pretty good. I just need to come up with the dough. Nautica Thorn is my favorite internet actresses. She’s Asian, like Wie. But she isn’t one of those shifty, math-doing, traffic-fucking up Asians. She’s a put it in any hole, cum-burping, invite your friends Asian. The actual beauty of Nautica is that she is half Jap, a quarter Puerto Rican, and a quarter Hawaiian (which means not only can she hotwire a Honda, she can also cook a pig…which in Black families is a plus).

Vanessa Bryant (age 26)

I have no problem in saying I wanna be like Kobe. LeBron has this commercial where he’s says, “You don’t want to be LeBron James. You wanna be better than Lebron James.” DAAAAMN RIGHT, I wanna be Kobe. I wanna shoot everytime down the court. I want to borderline rape young white ho’s. I wanna have a wife who doesn’t care about either, and still stands by my side, as I keep on doing the same shit. In real life, I wish Vanessa to take out her frustrations of Kobe cheating on her, by cheating on him with me. Then I’ll call up Shaq to get sloppy seconds, and we’ll steal all of Kobe’s memorabilia. Vanessa, if you’re reading this and it turns you on (which it should), shoot me an email.

Vanessa Anne Hudgens (age 18)

I didn’t know who this chick was until tonight. I was looking for a cutting-edge hot chick to be fifth on this list, and I decided on Hannah Montana (I just erased the paragraph, and erased my hard drive). After looking for Hannah Montana pics, I came up on (lol) Vanessa Anne Hudgens. She isn’t in anything I have seen, but she’s hot. This little slut also has a naked pic that surfaced on the internet, which I’m going to post on this site. I think that the picture seals the deal for me. She’s dating some dude who’s smaller than my dick on a 20 degree day. Enjoy the pic:

NY Knicks Preeeeeeeeeview

Today is my preview of the Knicks. I will have predictions, updates, and random shit that goes through my head, as we enter the 2007-08 year.

I want to say that I am a huge Knicks fan and it's good to be a Knicks fan these days. We're entertaining and intriguing. Most Knicks fans are from the northeast. We ain't like Lakers fans, who can be from anywhere. We ain't like Bulls fans, who are just riding the dick of Michael Jordan. We are fans of a team hated everywhere, because of the name of the city written across their chest (just like the Giants and Rangers). We play in the best, most famous basketball arena in the world, and our coach has no problem calling your wife, mom, etc. a bitch. Pundits are picking the Knicks to finish out of the playoffs, just because they are haters. It's the Knicks against the World this year, and I'm going to savor every moment as the Knicks prove the haters wrong!

I don't like to breakdown the lineups, and bench, like Sports Illustrated does it. I like to break teams down, in basketball, by their components. Let's get crackin'

Backcourt: (Stephon Marbury, Jamal Crawford, Nate Robinson, Fred Jones, Mardy Collins)

The backcourt has talent, but it isn't the cohesive type of talent that some other backcourts have (ex. Billups, Hamilton). The reason is because all of these guys are isolation experts. Nate Robinson looks like an And 1 mixtape. So does J.C. If Marbury is out at the club, he will isolate bitches into his SUV. Not a bad unit, but all these guys have had the label of "needing to grow up". Steph and J.C. start, but look for Fred Jones to start if J.C. can't find his offense (J.C. can be the microwave option).

Three's (Quentin Richardson, Jared Jeffries, Renaldo Balkman, Wilson Chandler)

This is a good rebounding group. The only problem is the Q is always injured. If Q is injured, then the other three get their weaknesses exposed with extended minutes (even though Chandler is going to make the other three expendble within the next two years). Q stay healthy, and lay off the ribs and cookies.

Post and Baseline D (Eddy Curry, Zach Randolph, David Lee, Randolph Morris, Jerome James)

In the offensive post, there is no other team with better options in the league. Curry and Z-Bo are going to create a bunch of mismatch issues. On D, they are going to have issues. Their biggest issue will be getting back on defense. David Lee is going to have another big year, off the bench (if he sticks around...I smell Ron Artest). Oh yeah, if I see Jerome James in a game, at all, I will drive to New York and set a Jerome James Trap. What's a Jerome James Trap? I'll put a plate of food and a MGD on a table, wait for him to skip practice to consume these items, then I'll wait for him to take his nap, and then cut his legs off. He doesn't need 'em, and doesn't use 'em.

Half court Offense

The Knicks should excel in the half court, and last time I checked the best half court teams win championships. Defense is the issue.

Rebounding

The Knicks will outrebound everybody, period. Curry may not be a great rebounder, but Randolph is good, and Lee and Q-Rich are exceptional at boarding. I just named two guys who had 10 plus a game last year. Not worried about rebounding.

Taking care of the rock

The Knicks will out-turnover everybody period. Z-Bo is a black hole, and any pass from him may be in the first row. Same for Curry. Marbury, Crawford, and Nate may have fancy handles, but they don't make the best decisions. If they want to finish games, they will need to improve here.

Overall Prediction: 45-37

They will suprise people and get a 5 through 7 seed. They will then go to the playoffs where they will push somebody to the limit in the first round. I will weigh in with some opening night stuff later.

Now a little trivia:

What did the Knicks offer the Lakers for Kobe Bryant?

A: a left, and a right...niggawhuuut!?!?!?! GO NY, GO NY GO!!!!!!!