Super Bowl Pick

Today is the day...three hours away...this is how it's going down (BTW, no live blog...I'm already too drunk)...

I arrive at unknown person's Super Bowl party. I smile, and immediately look around to see what kind, and how many, of "B's" are in attendance. B's are anything that start with B that can get a party started: Beer, Blunts, Broads, Bratwurst, Bitches, Ballons (with helium in 'em only), Big Booty Bitches, Big Booty Broads, and Big Booty Broats Bringing Me Beer, Blunts, and Bratwurst (and somewhere we will work Blumpkin into the equation). So I check that out, mind my P's and Q's, and consume more alcohol. I then come up with a plan on what food I am going to eat. Do I eat dairy products, that will be sure to close the bathroom off for 45 minutes, or wait until the second half when people know me a bit better? Is the couch conducive to muffling the sound of a fart, or should I care? Is Troy Aikman going to cause me to throw a beer at the TV? Am I going to use the words "Brandon Jacobs", "hole", "pigskin", "bitch", "anal", and "black" in the same sentence twice (one yelling at the TV, and once talking to a broad)? Probably. What I don't know is the outcome...I think it's going to be close. My prediction...

Giants win the coin flip, and tell Brandon Jacobs to exploit the holes in the Pats 'D and then spike the pigskin so hard off of the playclock that the playclock thinks it's getting anal from a black guy. The game is going to be a game where the Patriots defense will give the Giants something, and the Giants will take it. Tom Brady will get sacked a couple of times, but the Giants D is a great bend, but don't break, defense. The more I write this paragraph, the more I realize what everybody is scared to say...the Giants are bigger, faster, and don't give a fuck... That's my final analysis...Giants 44 Pats 24. Giants win Sunday, Johan press conference Monday, Championship Parade Tuesday, Liver Failure Wednesday. Oh, yeah...no drinking and driving! Make sure you have a designated decoy, if you do drive. GO BIG BLUE!!!!!

College Hoops Saturday - Laredos's L___ P_pe _ock

I'm sorry I haven't posted the Super Bowl preview/Rambo review yet, but it's only because I have been extremely f'd up over the last 18 hours. I am in the middle of my tailgate/pregame phase for Super Bowl XLII. I'm this close to posting up in Wal-Mart with some beers, getting their display barbecue fired up, and yelling "show me your tits" to everybody who walks by me. It'll be like that guy who is living in an Ikea, except Wal-Mart wouldn't appreciate the free advertising I would be giving them by having to be dragged out of the store, while I was accusing the police of calling me the "n-word". The article will be written for Sunday morning...I still need to get my feelings for the game garnered, and my mind isn't right for predicting the big game. But college basketball? I can predict that all day. Two games. Two locks. Let's go.....

Miami Hurricanes (-15) at #3 Duke, Kirk Cameron Indoor Arena, 3:30 ABC

Duke basketball reminds me of one of my favorite movies, White Men Can't Jump. It starts out with a white guy, who's pretty good at basketball, and he plays in a pickup game with a bunch of brothas. If you're me, you're rooting for the white guy to blow his Achilles and have the movie end right there. But that doesn't happen, and the white guy teams up with the black guy to rule the courts of L.A. Duke is the white guy, buy I can never root for them. I know the outcome is going to be a ending that screams, "if we all work together, we can all win in the end!" I hate that shit. I want MIA to win, and not do it graciously...they won't, BUT they will cover...Duke wins 82-70. Next...

Arizona (-9) at #5 UCLA, Pauley Shore Pavillion (or Paulie Walnuts Pavilion), 9 ESPN

UCLA has a sick squad, and they should get to the Final Four (again). Zona has a couple of bona fide NBA guys (Bayless and Budinger) who can keep them in games against anybody. The problem with UCLA is that they aren't going to play a tempo that's going to allow them to have a nine-point lead, at the end of the game. They grind it out, and play fundamentally on both ends of the floor. Nothing wrong with it, but it is as boring as a paragraph where I really talk about X's and O's (like this last one). UCLA wins 78-72

That's all...I need to get more blood in my alcohol stream, so I'm going to take a nap, but we're less than 32 hours away from the Super Bowl...I can't wait...