Saturday Night Live

I guess I'm going to watch Sarah Palin on SNL tonight, but it doesn't really pique my interest because (1) I don't think she's that hot and maybe a couple of years from having a full blown turkey neck, and (2) she isn't going to be Vice President, Joe Biden is. Is she the most do-able politican ever? Yes. But, in my world, Nancy Pelosi and Hilary Clinton are do-able, too. There are three live events that need breif attention as I finish up telling you what's good on a Saturday, on TV.

Mizzou at Texas

Just sit back and enjoy this one. If Mizzou loses, that should be the end of their championship run. I want to see them win just to see college football get more f'd up, and a step closer to creating a playoff system.

Red Sox at Rays

After the amazing comeback on Thursday, the Sox have a ton of momentum. The Rays haven't had much negative attention, on a national stage this year, and I want to see how they handle it. They do get to play at home, but the stands are going to be packed with chowder heads from the New England area. I'm praying that Boston or Philly doesn't get a championship, so GO RAYS!

Pavlik - Hopkins

In the fight of the year, one legend (Hopkins) goes up against a soon-to-be legend (Kelly Pavlik). Hopkins hasn't been knocked out, ever...he's been knocked down once. Pavlik isn't afriad to mix it up, and will be looking to damage the 40 year old Hopkins. This is one to sit back and enjoy. Some say it will be boring, I think Pavlik will make it a point to come inside and bring it to Hopkins. Pavlik is also a fighter who gets stronger as the fight progresses. Look for B-Hop to steal some rounds, but in the end the soon-to-be legend will have cemented himself in boxing history. This fight goes the distance, but Pavlik will prevail.

When you think you're ahead, everybody catches up

The Boston Red Sox completed on the most improbable comebacks ever, last night. I hated it, of course. The Rays were winning and I was enjoying watching all the chowder heads in Boston, as they were drinking themselves into a long postseason (for those who don't come here for my sports commentary, the Rays were winning 7-0, and lost). The series is at 3-2 and all the momentum is going towards Boston. Game on Saturday, in St. Petersburg (wherever that is). Tampa better take care of buisness. For those who come here just to see if I am going to dedicate part of my post to Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus), today is your lucky day.

I wasn't sure how the "law" works, but I was sure that I could figure out a way to date Miley Cyrus in two years, once she turned 18 (damn, did I just write that?). Well, I probably wrote it before. I don't think she's going to be hot (i.e. I don't think she's hot now, because that would be against the "law"), and it's all about cashing in on her empire. I know that she'll be a billionaire, and I that's what turns me on to the idea of making a long time commitment with her (bank account). So my plan was to somehow run into her, and pretend that I don't know who she is (that will probably turn her on, in two years). I will treat her like the queen (ATM) she is, we get married, and I invest her money wisely in real estate (i.e. my own place where I can have ladies over). Great plan, right? Just gotta wait, right? NOPE!!! Some dude named Justin Gaston already beat me to it. The worse part is that he's 20, and her father, Billy Ray Cyrus, is letting it slide. So basically, this dude has the inside lane AND he's got the okay to circumvent the law. According to People Magazine (yes, I read it on the Internet, NOT IN LINE AT THE MOTHER F'N SUPERMARKET WHEN I HAVE NO ITEMS AND I'M JUST IN PEOPLE'S WAY), Billy Ray thinks "it's a good thing". WTF? I wonder what his reaction would be if that was my black ass? Statutory Rape...that's what. When robbery, embezzlement, and wire fraud are the only thing I plan on doing. Here's a picture of the happy couple...

I'm not worried, though...these things never last. If it was two years from now, I might write 'he ain't hittin' it right'.

Let's Talk About Love

This is a weird post because I plan on not editing it, re-reading it, or anything. Just a rant.

I love the Giants and really thought they were going to roll on the Browns, but I was wrong. I have owned up to it, but I love them, so take any gambling advice regarding the Giants with a grain of salt. As for the report card for the game:

Giants Offense: gaghlgjlgaDJLKGJLGJLGJLELJGJL
Giants D: erlgjar;wl arglerl;gjawergjaerg;lgjkae gyj'aeftgyjar;ygja
Giants Special Teams: jdra ;lgalwgtjawrlg jarl;gare;gjareg;jarg;l
Giants Coaching: gh ar;gtjawroygjr;ygja4o;ryja;yj4oyuj4rgu8j40tgufhj4ay0hj45yh54GTOANGRLJRV45OH

Overall: D-

Next, Red Sox...trading Manny...dumb. Fans, even dumber. Eff Boston, Eff the Sox. I never root for anybody to get hurt, but I hope Josh Beckett gets to pitch and gets rocked, and gets sooooooooooo pissed that he decides to repeatedly slam his right arm in a car door...while the car is sinking to the bottom of a lake. People will say 'Manny can't pitch and that's what the Red Sox' problem is'. Eff dat!!! This team has no balls, and Manny is like the Kellen Winslow of the postseason...

Red Sox Report Card: A...because I enjoy seeing them getting their heads bashed in BY A TEAM THAT DOESN'T RESPECT THEM!!!!

Next, Pacman "call me Adam, because I'm reformed...oh shit! I'm suspended again" Jones. I don't think that he should be suspended for life. Only for the rest of the year. I do think the Cowboys should say, "oh, Pacman is suspended from playing. Meet our new head coach! Pacman F'n Jones!!!!" He would be better than fatboy Wade Phillips. What would be better? Seeing Wade Phillips jumping for joy after tying the Cardinals on Sunday, or Coach Pacman giving the throat slash to the Cardinals sideline after tying the Cardinals on Sunday. What's better? Seeing the coordinators in the box, calling plays, doing what they do? Or a tinted out skybox where the only coordinating going on is what ho's get in the skybox, and what play to T.O. are they going to call next? It's obvious, and the best thing would be that Jason Whitten would get released for no reason, just so Pacman can put his boy on the roster. By the way, if Wade Phillips was the fifth Ghostbuster and at the end of GB1 when they had to clear their minds, or meet their doom to whatever they were thinking (which was the Stay Puffed Marshmellow Man), wouldn't everybody be f'd because he be thinking of a McRib Sandwich the size of the solar system? Yup.

And while we are on the subject of ghetto cuisine, why does Ryan Howard have to do those Subway commercials for their Big Philly Cheesesteak? As a baseball player, I had to defend the fact that baseball players workout, and then there was the steroid era which helped me build my case that baseball players are into physical fitness. Then I turn on my f'n TV and see a fat brother with a bat in his hands and a greasy ass cheesesteak behind him. Oh, and he happens to strike out 2 billion times a year, and I've seen pop flys that he couldn't get down on. I wonder why? I wish I was in the meeting when Subway decided to go with Ryan Howard:

Exec 1: We need somebody to sell the worst nutrional item in the history of Subway. Somebody who embodies "deep fried"...this 'Eat Fresh' shit ain't working.

Exec 2: I went to a Phillies game last night and saw this fat, black guy strike out 4 times and he fell over on a ground ball.

Exec 1: GO GET HIM BEFORE KFC GET'S HIM FIRST!!!

Yeah, I know he could be MVP, but Phuck Philly.