Fill in the blanks: Laredo's L___ Pipe _ock

Today is a huge, Laredo sports day. There are bowl games in college football (two super-underrated games: one (1) UConn vs. Wake; two great schools with good programs, and two, Penn State vs. Texas A&M a.k.a. Shit talk University in the Casket Bowl). There is college basketball today (ESPN2 has been hooking it up early this year. Last week, there were 3 really good games on tha deuce. This week may be the same with Arizona vs. Memphis tonight. There will be 6-10 pros on the floor in that game. The Tennessee /Gonzaga game is a good one, too). The Knicks have a guaranteed no loss night, as they aren’t playing. UFC pops off with Chuck Liddell vs. Wanderlei Silva and Matt Hughes vs. Georges St. Pierre (I got Silva and St. Pierre to win). Then the Giants have a monster game tonight against the New England Patriots. Lotta stuff going on, and I should be motivated to write an article. I’m also hungover and blunted, so I don’t feel like writing right now. I'm going to make this one short and sweet (not long and salty, like your sister, mom, girlfriend, or wife likes it). You could call this my “lead-pipe lock” this week:

Giants win 31-28…Eli plays well in the balmy New Jersey weather. The defense will blitz early and often, and get big plays early with interceptions (31 points mean the Giants D will have to get at least 14 points off of turnovers). Look for the Giants to get 5 or 6 sacks against a depleted offensive line. The Giants have what I like to call the “Zach Randolph Defense”. Six or more sacks equal a win. Sacks of herb, sacks of burgers, sacks of QBs, or a sack of Crown Royal riding shotgun mean the night is going well. Look for Steve Smith to have a big game for the Giants. Kawika Mitchell might cement himself as a front runner for the Giants defensive M.V.P. with a big game, too. Eli will go to his third and fourth options without making a mistake, but ends up 16-29, 211, 2 TD, 1 int, and 4 whatthefuckwasthat fumbles (I should have a “Eli Fumble the Snap” pool. I guess that it first happens around 6:24 in the second quarter). LET’S GO GIANTS!!!

Laredo's Kerry Collins Edition Monday QB (yes, I have been drinking) - GFY List

This article is dedicated to Kerry Collins, my fourth favorite QB of all-time (Simms, Hostetler, Eli, KC5). If it weren't for Kerry, I wouldn't have thought it was acceptable to write, drunk, using racial slurs. I've dropped n-bombs, made fun of Asians, exploited Mexicans through stereotypes, etc. The thing is, is that I'm a realist, and some people may not say the things that are on their minds, but guys like Kerry Collins and I do. This GFY list is going to be dedicated to the numerous analysts how have spewed shit out of their mouths this week.

First on the chopping block, A-Rod Haters...

How do you blame A-Rod for doing what he is doing? He has the ability to make more money by opting out of his contract. On Monday, I'm watching Sportcenter, and their headline is "The Greediest Player Ever". WTF?!?! If I could make more money, I would, and so would everybody else. The other thing that is funny is FOX announced that A-Rod was a free agent right before the ninth inning in the World Series clincher. The story really broke before the game and they waited, and made A-Rod look bad (even though, if I'm A-Rod I don't mind that move...I would try to get FOX to C.G.I. my nuts on the screen, as the Red Sox celebrate their championship). People are idiots...who are we to decide what A-Rod does? Big GFY to A-Rod Haters.

(BTW, I came up on this article on ESPN.com, and I'm appalled by the fact that they pay people to write absolute crap. I'm starting a petition.)

Next, Tony Romo...

I will write this directly to Tony...

Tony,

Wipe that shit-eating grin off of your face. I didn't mind you when you were a backup QB. I started to get pissed when you were linked to Jessica Simpson. Now you sign a extension for 31 million, guaranteed. I officially hate you. You're single, and the rich QB of the Cowboys. Hook a brotha, up (me, not T.O.). If you win a Super Bowl, and become part of the Holy Trinity of QB's (Farve, Manning, Brady), I'll be pissed. I'm a little jealous, but if you get stuck up and robbed, you asked for it...GFY!!!!

Now that's off my chest, next is Bill Belichick haters....

This week, the Pats beat the Redskins 52-7. People then complained that it was bad sportsmanship, etc. Then they lamented that Bill Belichick is a cheater. It's amazing...I compare Bill Belichick to a cool George W. Bush. You talk shit about him. Then you realize he has the best weapons, but unlike Bush, he uses them to their full extent, and wins wars. Belichek is pissed, and so is his team. The funny thing is, how do you complain about a team running up the score? There are two simple ways to combat it. Cheap shot the pretty boy QB (it will only cost you 15 yards), or don't let the score get out of control (show some heart). If it was 38-0 and I see the other team trying to pass the ball, the next play is an all-out blitz. I would send all 15 guys (I would have four extra guys blitzing from the sidelines). Then I would make all the beer in the stadium free, and tell the fans where the Pats team bus is. Bottom line is people call the Pats cheaters and creeps, only because idiots on ESPN tell them to. Bill Belichick haters......................................................................GFY!!!!!!!!!!

Next, Snitches!

No, really, snitches. First, Mike Vick's boys snitch his ass out of playing football and millions. Then O.J.'s henchmen are turning on the Juice. WTFWTFWTF?!?!? These people single handedly fucked up Madden '09, and any hope for a new "Naked Gun" movie. What's next?!?!? Snitching on Santa Claus because the North Pole is a sweat shop?!?!? GEEEEEEEFFFFFFFFFYYYYYYYYYYYY, SNITCH ASS SNITCHES!!!!

(if O.J. is reading this...there is this guy in Dallas who just got 31 million dollars...we'll call him Rony Tomo...I think that he has memoribilia and white bitches at his house...I'll meet you there).