Live Blog - Championship SUNDAY!!!!

3:26 - I'm a little slow right now, but I'll start blogging in 30 mins...I need to get some drink in me. If anybody wants to chime in during this blog...send an IM to AreYou18Good for AIM. I'll get cracking at halftime of the Pats-Bolts...

3:55 - Okay...7-3 Patsies...I am impressed how confident the Bolts look...the one thing I can say is that the Pats may be 17 and oh, but they are OLD...they are like Pam Anderson 5 years ago (they're hot, but there are flaws...but I would still hit). And, no I wouldn't fuck the Patriots. I'm getting a little tipsy, but I'm not to the point where a 45 man gangbang is possible. BTW...I'm drinking O.J. and Vodka (what I like to call the O.J. Simpson)...Where are the white ho's????

4:02 - The Chargers just put a field goal through to make it 7-6...these fools need to get TD's in order to win...they miss LT in a big way (BTW...it's funny that LT can't go, and the Chargers are right in the thick of it...Running back is a position that is overrated when it comes down to building a team...I wouldn't draft one at a high position...BUT, LT is the best and the San Diego Chargers need him)

4:09 - You know you're the fifth wide reciever when you do a dance in the end zone after making a decent special teams play...or you're just black and happy to collect a check...yeah, i'll chalk it up to that.

4:13 - "Derek Jeter Bitch Made" play of the day to this point is Chris Chambers getting DEEEEEEBO'd for the interception...so Chris Chambers is the worst player of the game so far

4:15 - TD New England...if San Diego doesn't score, and the Pats score another, the game is over...huge drive coming up

4:18 - Bruschi (i'm drunk and don't care if I spelled that right) is on HGH...or he's Mexican...but his head is HUGE

4:19 - Rivers INT...Get Volek warmed up...Rivers has the second worse arm in football...WTF was that?

4:30 - 3rd and 1...no timeouts...can you spell disaster for the Chargers? I can...P-H-I-L-I-P...

4:35 - Pats 14, Bolts 9 at the Half...It's a ballgame...

4:50 - Thank God...2nd Half Starting...couldn't handle looking at Shannon Sharpe...he reminds me of those statues at Easter Island. They're just a lot less annoying...



4:56 - Brady pick...San Diego MUST score this drive if they want to win this game.

5:02 - CBS's commercials suck. I can't remember if they have played an erectile dysfunction commercial yet. Nothing too edgy. No Chevy Truck commercials. I can't wait till 6 when the real show starts.

5:03 - Nate Kaeding FG...14-12 Pats...No TDs for San Diego mean no win...

5:11 - Maroney is starting to put his figerprints on this game...Randy Moss is about to put his fingerprints around some ho's neck

5:17 - San Diego INT!!!! Antonio Cromartie has just swung the momentum to the Bolts. Now Philip Rivers is going to have the most important drive of his life (to this point).

5:21- Rivers can't move the ball...The San Diego D is going to have to figure out how to get superior field position for his sorry ass...

5:32 - TD Brady to Welker...21-12 Pats...now Rivers goes into "Rex Grossman mode"...He'll try to throw a bunch of ill-advised passes, and he'll throw 'em as hard as he can. Then he will leave the game after getting pasted. I CAN'T WAIT!!!

5:41 - 4th and 10 for the Bolts...I would go for it, but Norv Turner proves while he is the only coach in the NFL who has been castrated. In other news, there is a new Martin Lawrence movie coming out. He is one of the few actors whose movies I automatically see. They just played the commercial, and I'm pumped to see it.



5:50 - Time for a Laredo Commercial Break...


yeah...Ines Sainz...whut?!?!


5:53 - Will the Pats cover? I think so...Let's see if they play to cover. Oh yeah, this drive is WHY YOU GO FOR IT ON 4TH DOWN WHEN YOU'RE DOWN BY 2 SCORES IN THE FOURTH, AGAINST A TEAM WHO NEVER LOST...I know what Marty Schottenheimer woulda done...

6:00 - Game Over - Pats 21 - San Diego 12 ... Pats don't cover, San Diego couldn't get a TD...This is a bad day for a degenerate somewhere....

now...for the game of the day, in the league where they play.....FOR PAY.....

DGLJLDG JSLG LGKD GJDLSKGJ DSLGJ D GET EM GIANTS!!!!! SKLDBJ DLBDLB DLB DB

I am officially going to play a drinking game during this game. I don't know what it is yet...but I'm going ape shit...I WANT THE PATRIOTS!!! LET'S GO BIG BLUE!!!!

6:05 - It looks colder at Lambeau than a dead hooker floating in the Hudson River. I hope Troy Aikman and Joe Buck's head freeze and break off during the game. In this weather, I'm glad Brandon Jacobs is on my side.

6:21 - 21 minutes till kickoff...time to pound some O.J. Simpson's



6:28 - Laredo Slider commercial break


Avena Lee - Specialtiy: Oral Sex...Not Specialty: Driving (She's Asian)

6:35 - Fox's new game show "Moment of Truth" looks like a home run...they should get a guy on the show, and ask him if he watches kiddie porn. Then they could lead right into a "To Catch A Preditor" episode.

6:42 - Green Bay wins the toss, and the Giants D gets on the field, while Chris Myers interviews the Predator.

6:44 - Why do Black people have to put as many dead animals on them as possible? Pam Oliver's coat has about 10 dead squirrels in it.

6:48 - Brett Farve almost gets picked...JINTS D...WHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTT!!!!!

6:51 - Brandon Jacobs sets the tone on the first play...Giants get a gift spot...First Down.

6:55 - Moving the rock...First and 10 from the Packers 37.

7:01 - I almost shit my pants as Eli comes close to throwing a pick...Giants kick a 29 yard field goal...3-0

7:11 - MothafuckinAmaniToomeralregewral ajerlhjaerlkhjrlhjarelareljhrjhrelj!@@!!!!!!

7:13 - MothafuckinJeffFeaglesShankLehjaerl;k hjaerlhjearlkhjaerlkjglaj halrjalr!!!!!!

7:16 - We won the first quarter...3 more to go!

7:20 - Aaron Ross earning his stripes...We have a good one at corner.

7:31 - Tynes FG number 2...He's quietly having one of the best years out of a Giant kicker since Matt Bahr.

7:37 - 90 yard TD Farve to Driver...Exactly what we can't have...

7:52 - While I am drunk, let me point out...THE KNICKS HAVE WON 4 out of 5...There's a darkhorse in the race for the number 6 draft pick, baby!



7:58 - Shouldn't there be a "More Bars" commercial for AT&T that includes Mike Vick and O.J. Simpson?








8:06 - 10-6...Manning needs to be a Manning

8:10 - 10-6 Half...I'm going to be a wreck during halftime....

8:25 - Pam Oliver flaunting her Rodent Skin Coat...

8:29 - Giants burn a timeout instead of taking the delay of game. I no like.

8:35 - Yeah!!!! Refs are fixing it for tha G-Men....UHHHHHH!!!! Fuck Green Bay!

8:40 - Where on the verge of a endzone playclock fatality!


8:45 - Jacobs scores a TD, but spares the playclock. The Pack comes back with a 50 something yard return.

8:53 -Sam Madison, Sam Madison, Sam Madison, Sam Madison, Sam Madison, Sam Madison, Sam Madison...anybody have the address for a Samuel Jerome Jenkins Madison? I just want to drive by and drop off a package....
9:03 - AMANI!!!
9:07 - Bradshaw TD! THIS IS A GAME THE NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS MUST WIN!!!

9:11 - End of the third...15 minutes 'till the Super Bowl

9:16 - WTF!?!? R.W. McQuarters, R.W. McQuarters, R.W. McQuarters, R.W. McQuarters, R.W. McQuarters...anybody have the address for a R.W. Jerome Jenkins McQuarter? I just want to drive by and drop off a package...

9:28 - I'm nervous...I probably drank too much, and when I shit, it will be liquid

9:31 - FUUUUUUUUUUCK!

9:33 - Yeah!!! The referee's know what's up!!!!

9:37 - Will Tynes hit this?

9:38 - No!! Fuck Whitey!!!

9:46 - I don't know if he was offsides, but I feel confident...the D will come thru

9:51 - Okay, R.W. doesn't touch the ball anymore!

9:56 - Steve Smith, biatch!!!! USC Reppin... The Giants must get a running first down!

10 - Bradshaw, Smith...the rooks, baby...

10 - TYNES!!!!!!!!! MAKE THIS SHIT!!!!!!! Game Time!!!

10:03 - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Coin flip wins....TAILS!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

10:06 - I'm already conceeding the loss...I won't feel as bad if I do it right now. I feel sick. BUT! The Pack hasn't been able to do shit with the ball.

10:09 - Corey Webster! Bradshaw and Jacobs! That's IT!!!!

10:15 - YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comments:
Go Chargers said...
Cromartie and the Bolts are in Brady and the Pats head, Upset coming for sure!Did anyone really put money on the Pats -15 points? Flush that 2 week paycheck down the toilet!
January 20, 2008 2:20 PM
Go Giants said...
Let's GO Giants!Not the start to the day I was looking for, first the Chargers play like pansies and then my grill runs out of gas after five minutes with 10 pounds of ribs being cooked, but not before the entire two racks of ribs light on fire scorching the bottom. My first ever ribs experience is looking bad and now I have to do it in the oven using tin foil, a recipe for spending Sunday night eating shitty ribs and having to clean the oven.It's all Good if Big Blue Win!BTW, the Shannon Sharpe analogy was priceless.
January 20, 2008 3:50 PM
Super SuperBowl said...
How do you not ICE the kicker in that situation. ??? Tynes got lucky they didn't call the timeout there, he would have certainly choked if that had happened. BUT they didn't and the Giants are going to get revenge on the Patriots in the SUPERBOWL!LaredoSlider, LIVE BLOGGING KICKS ASS, the extra work brought good Karma!
January 20, 2008 7:17 PM
Laredo Slider said...
See you in Fuckin Glendale! If the Giants win, there will be a movie...you will all go and watch it. I will have a tremendous boner while watching it. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH BABYYY!!!! Thanks to my freinds Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, Fernando Bacardi, and Yakov Smirnoff for getting me through the game!!!! Pats are goin DOWN!!!!!

L___ P_ipe _ock: The House of Manning

Sunday is here, and I AM PUMPED! Giants vs. Cowboys! Let’s go G-Men! In my house we have a tradition. It’s a tradition built around calling audibles, doing commercials, and making fucked up, funny faces when ever we throw interceptions. It’s also a tradition where we go to the playoffs every year. If you don’t know, the house I’m talking about is the House of Manning.

I thought it would be a good idea to get the boys fired up before they took the field today, so we sat down and ate dinner last night. Eli, Peyton, the other brother nobody cares about, Archie, his wife Olivia (a.k.a. Quaterback-Factory Vag #1), and I sat down for a home cooked meal. I received so much insight to what’s going to happen today in both games, and I recorded the whole conversation at dinner. I will copy the excerpts onto LaredoSlider.Com for everybody to enjoy. Afterwards, I’ll give you my picks for today’s games.

7 p.m. - I arrive at the Manning Estate (Plantation) and I’m greeted at the door by Olivia Manning (a.k.a. Quarterback-Factory Vag #1)

Olivia: Hi! I’m so glad to meet you! You don’t have to introduce yourself. (She Yells) Eli! Plaxico is here for dinner!

Me: Oh, no, I’m Laredo Slider. I understand that you get us all confused. I’m here for the dinner/interview.

Olivia: Have a seat at the table! I hope you like pot roast! If I knew you were coming, I woulda sent the other brother nobody cares about to KFC. In the ghetto.

Me: Can you still send him?

Olivia: Yes. And if he gets shot, oh well. It’s not like he’s a pro athlete or something.

7:21 – We all sit down. The table looks good. The pot roast had all the fixings. Sprint phone casserole, MasterCard pâté, fried Citizen watch rings. The pot roast was served on a DirecTV satellite dish, and had Reebok sneaker stuffing. Gatorade was there to wash it down, but I had to watch in HD, on a beautiful Sony HDTV.

Me: I see that you have all the sponsors hooking you up. You must really enjoy getting so much free stuff. Why do I have to sit in this room? Can’t I eat at the table?

Archie: No, you can’t. And, we can see you in there! The silverware is worth nothing, so don’t steal it!

Olivia: Look, Peyton! Marvin Harrison has a T.V. show, and he’s about to eat dinner!

Archie: Shut up, bitch! That’s just the guy who just came to eat dinner with us, and he’s on the security cam.

Me: Well, let’s talk about Sunday’s games. Peyton, what is your key to success?

Peyton: Well, as long as God’s on my side we have a shot.

Me: I mean football-wise.

Peyton: No, seriously. God puts money on the Colts every week. We only lose so it doesn’t look shady. When we win, I get 60 percent.

Me: You get a bigger cut of the winnings than God?

Peyton: Who has more commercials?

Me: True

7:38 – Dinner is good. I’m actually waiting for my KFC, while the family is eating their meal. Eli has been quiet, so it’s time to ask him a few questions.

Me: Eli, how are you going to dismantle the Cowboys?

Me: Eli?

Olivia: Eli, Amani Toomer is asking you a question, honey…please answer…

Me: Bitch, I am NOT Amani Toomer!

Olivia: Oh my God, HE’S DROWNING IN THE SOUP!

Eli pulls his head out, and after he’s revived, he answers the question.

Eli: We’re going to establish a running game, and play action the shit out of the Cowboys’ secondary. The D is going to dial-up pressure early and often. We are going to use unnecessary roughness penalties to set the tone early on. We are also going to decapitate Tony Romo, while the practice squad takes turns violating Jessica Simpson. Then we’re going to tape that, and put it on laredoslider.com, and force him to write two weeks of articles of Jessica Simpson sex tapes, instead of a week of Kim Kardashian articles.

Archie: Son, are you okay? Oh my God, HE’S POSSESSED!

Laredo Slider is sitting in the other room with a bucket of KFC, laughing

Me: That’s right, he’s possessed. I possessed him. You motherfuckers took to long getting my chicken, so I had to sacrifice a chicken, a la Major League when Cerrano wanted to sacrifice a chicken before their big playoff game. I also took the time to possess Eli, so he can win the big game tomorrow. Your wife is also pregnant. She will give birth to a quarterback in nine months. He will be black. Teach him how to throw and keep him away from dogfighting.

The Manning family, except Olivia, run from the house…she’s happy because she thinks she’s having Reggie Wayne’s baby.

San Diego (+10) at Indy

Indy covers. Something tells me that Shawn Merriman is going to get arrested for something midway through the second half. Look for Philip Rivers to throw a bunch of picks. The score will be closer than the game…Indy, 31-17

New York Giants (+7) at Dallas

Giants win outright. Look for a decapitated Tony Romo to be ineffective after being shocked that his girl is getting gangbanged by the Giants' practice squad. In a unprecedented move, T.O. trades himself to the Giants midway through the game, because Eli plays possessed and there is plenty of KFC on the sideline. Giants 27-20.

LET’S GO BIG BLUE!!!!!