Dream Team

The Dream Team played in Vegas yesterday, and put on a show, routing the Canadians by fitty. The team is the best team since the original version, and will destroy the world in Beijing. They actually bring up a very good question, though. Would I care about the Olympics if there wasn't a Dream Team going there? No. Do I care about one-legged sprinters trying to make it to Beijing, or sick passes from J-Kidd? J-Kidd. Do I care if Iraq sends athletes to the Olympics, or Kobe lighting up some third-world country for 70? Kobe. Do I care about a 41 year-old American swimmer who is defying all odds to go for gold, or LeBron dunking so hard on a Chinaman that they change the name of General Tso's Chicken to Kentucky Fried Chicken? Of course, KFC. So those are the story lines I care about, other than watching gymnastics to figure out with Eastern Bloc ho's are flexible enough to handle my pommel horse (and when they light the flame with that giant joint).

Holiday Jewish Jeers - State of da Bulls

What's a shitty week, in the life of a Chicago sports fan, without the witty commentary of The Double B? Last week, the Bulls bottomed out and completed one of the most disappointing years for Chicago sports. ***WARNING*** The Double B is Jewish. Therefore he doesn't believe in Christmas, Holiday Cheer, or Goodwill to All Men!!! This article will be critical about the state of the Chicago Bulls.

Laredo Slider has been pressuring me for a post the past two weeks. First off, I was taking my time of responding because Mr. Slider is a douche bag. Two weeks ago I was on my way to the Bulls/Sonics game. Before I left the office the betting line had the Bulls favored by 8 points. I wanted to bet to be somewhat entertained having to sit through a Bulls game. I called Laredo for his expert gambling advice. After screening his incoming calls, he called me back two minutes later. However, his advice was shitty at best. He stated the Bulls would probably blow it, told me to walk away from the bet, and then shouted derogatory facts about my religion. Needless to say the game was a complete blow out by the 1^st quarter and all I have to show for it is a free Big Mac (which I'm not complaining about) and more hatred towards my only black friend. Because of Slider I'm 25 dollars poorer.

I'm a little stuck of what to do now. Do I give him a second chance and redeem his NBA skills? Or should I start calling my white friends that don't watch the NBA till playoffs? I think the only way to settle this is a bet. I bet the Bulls will take the series from the Knicks on January 8 ^th. I attended the last Bulls/Knicks game and it was ugly, uglier than Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph fighting over a dropped biscuit. Luckily the Bulls won that game and scored over 100 points so I left with another free Big Mac (it's a delicious burger). The game is at the United Center, so I'll give Laredo Slider three points. The battle for the 8^th seed is on the line. Also, I'll bet the Knicks miss playoffs. That's two bets Slider! We can wager money or having to root for each other's teams. I will personally send you a Kirk Henrich jersey (three sizes too small) for you to show off. Also, you'll have to write into the Chicago Tribune blog area, Kirk's website, and submit an application, with photo, to be a Chicago Bull's Matador. Let me know your terms Slider.

Finally, I'd like to wish Skiles the best. He did a great job bringing our team back to respectability. Now I can't wait for our team to crumble and completely fall apart. John Paxson has made some decent moves, but lately needs to be bitch slapped by Kobe's penis. No Kobe, No Pau, and still four years later - no big man. Paxson made one three pointer and now he knows how to be a GM? I doubt Rick Carlisle will turn our team around, nor any other coach for that reason. What would turn our team around would be a guy that likes fat sluts from Colorado named Kobe.

-The Double B