Saturday Night Live

I guess I'm going to watch Sarah Palin on SNL tonight, but it doesn't really pique my interest because (1) I don't think she's that hot and maybe a couple of years from having a full blown turkey neck, and (2) she isn't going to be Vice President, Joe Biden is. Is she the most do-able politican ever? Yes. But, in my world, Nancy Pelosi and Hilary Clinton are do-able, too. There are three live events that need breif attention as I finish up telling you what's good on a Saturday, on TV.

Mizzou at Texas

Just sit back and enjoy this one. If Mizzou loses, that should be the end of their championship run. I want to see them win just to see college football get more f'd up, and a step closer to creating a playoff system.

Red Sox at Rays

After the amazing comeback on Thursday, the Sox have a ton of momentum. The Rays haven't had much negative attention, on a national stage this year, and I want to see how they handle it. They do get to play at home, but the stands are going to be packed with chowder heads from the New England area. I'm praying that Boston or Philly doesn't get a championship, so GO RAYS!

Pavlik - Hopkins

In the fight of the year, one legend (Hopkins) goes up against a soon-to-be legend (Kelly Pavlik). Hopkins hasn't been knocked out, ever...he's been knocked down once. Pavlik isn't afriad to mix it up, and will be looking to damage the 40 year old Hopkins. This is one to sit back and enjoy. Some say it will be boring, I think Pavlik will make it a point to come inside and bring it to Hopkins. Pavlik is also a fighter who gets stronger as the fight progresses. Look for B-Hop to steal some rounds, but in the end the soon-to-be legend will have cemented himself in boxing history. This fight goes the distance, but Pavlik will prevail.

Laredo's Saturday L____ P_pe _ock's

I needed to pick the Red River Rivalry game last night because (1) it is the biggest college game this week, and (2) it gives me the opportunity to rip on some rednecks. Don't get me wrong...I love brown liquor, I don't like pork, but I wouldn't rule out having relations with certain non-blood relatives. When I use the N-Word, it's a term of endearment. When rednecks use the N-Word, it's derogatory, unless a black person hears 'em, then they explain it's a term of endearment. Then they same something like, "anybody can be a nword, not just black people...I'm just talking about the way somebody acts." That never gets old. What also doesn't get old is rednecks calling people Arabs. The link for "Video of the Day" has that old bag that called Obama an Arab getting interviewed, etc. That's a new feature of LaredoSlider.Com and will be used for video highlights daily. Oh yeah, there is a scoreboard, too...so you can check Laredo's L___ P_pe _ock's of the Week (you can fill in the blanks with what you want).

Oklahoma (-6.5) at Texas

I already picked this, and the game is in the second quarter right now (actually it's a one point game at half). The reason I picked OU is because I have believed that Sam Bradford is actually Cooper Manning since last year, after Cooper Manning got a time machine because he wanted to cash in on his family fame. The kid's good, he takes care of the ball, and Texas has been faking top-ranked status since their Rose Bowl win four years ago. Oklahoma covers.

Purdue (+18.5) at Ohio State (47.5)

Put this one in the overrated home team, with myopic fans, category with Texas. This is a conference game, and Ohio State isn't explosive...so 2 touchdowns plus is unlikely. Purdue also takes care of the rock. Oh yeah, Ohio State is 1-4 against the spread this year, so 1-5 is likely, right. Take Purdue and the under.

Penn State (-6) at Wisconsin (47)

The Nittany Lions will roll through Wisconsin, and it depends on depends. If JoePa shits himself before the game, it will be a sweater. If he shits himself around the beginning of the second quarter, the Lions will roll. Don't ask me how I came to these backwards conclusions. Maybe it's the brown liquor at 11AM PT. Penn State covers, with the over.

Enjoy the day of college football...oh yeah, GO TROJANS!

New Beginning

Every article I have written, EVER, has been a product of my alter ego, no matter what mind state I'm in. I have written some unconventional things when I was in grammar school, and not just because I was doing my homework on the bus, and that shit was due in 20 minutes. Now, I have this site where I can say what I want and I write more unconventional stuff. I usually post in the mornings when I have something constructive to say. I post in the afternoons after watching some sporting event that usually involves my team shitting the bed, in a big situation. Then I write late night when I'm faded, and I just watched a movie with one of my favorite starlets (like Transformers, with Megan Fox). I then write how much I would like to diddle her, and then use very graphic words describing all 13 inches of my dilzzzznick, usually implying impregnating one of these girls is my prerogative. Then I was thinking to myself that these days are all about softening what is actually happening in the real world, and I need to find some real ho's to come over here and...I mean take a stance on certain issues, and provide a forum for some of my loyal readers (who have been reading the same article for the last two months).

So the site is going through a overhaul. We'll still talk sports, but now is the time to talk about finances (21.99 Hennessey at Savon, HOLLA!!!), who is going to lead our country for the next four years, what is good as far as movies and entertainment are concerned (I will get guest reviewers who will tell me what they thought of a movie, cd, or something), and general pop culture will be included, as well. Audrey Bitoni has been taken off the top of the page, because I'm into classier girls, and through these times I have figured out that women are the strongest gender because I invited this broad over the other night...she was a 5'1” Asian girl, about 90 pounds, and I asked her if she wanted a $5 foot long, and she said yes...she thought I was using the Metric system, or some shit, because she thought a foot was shorter...but she took it anyways...the strength of her tonsils surprised me. Sorry...run on sentence. I will also put some links in the links tab (duh!). Oh...there will be polls, and not of the $5 foot long variety, either! Polls are trendy, and I think the site should have once every once in a while. College football picks tomorrow, and some other stuff. Enjoy!

p.s. - I probably will not get up in time for the Red River Rivalry, but I like OU (-6.5).