Catching up with Renaldo Balkman

This is a tough time for Laredo to be a sports fan, I tell ya…Mets collapse and the Giants are 2 and 2 (which isn’t so bad because we beat the shittyassEagles last Sunday, and the NFC looks as weak as the National League…shit, I shouldn’t say that). The Knicks and Rangers are the only teams I have to look forward to, and since I’m black, I’m going to hit you off with a early season prognosis of the Knicks, as training camp opens. I actually went down south with the Knicks (shit, I shouldn’t say that…after these preceedings in the Isaiah vs. The World trial), and had interviews with the Knicks on media day (so pictures will accompany the interviews, thank you very much).

So I walk into the practice facility, and I’m looking for a story that no other reporter has. I didn’t want to ask Steph questions until I made him say something stupid. I didn’t want to ask Jerome James what he ate for breakfast, because I only have a digital recorder with 100 gigs of memory. So I started with another fan favorite, Renaldo Balkman…We’re going to have a interview and profile everyday with one Knick, and we’re going to start at the end of the bench. Let’s get started with the hustlin’ rasta shotta’:

Me: So Renaldo, what is your goal for ‘08. You are a prominent member of Ballers Against Drugsunlessitusedtoknockoutabitch.

Renaldo: Me seen da po'lice take ten pounds from me man...I swear I get it back for him.

Me: Oh, so you're trying to sneak into the police station to steal the weed after they trust you. Nice. They didn't catch on?

Renaldo: Me tinks the dog was onto me...lookin at me like a chocolate bar.

Me: What are your goals for the NBA seas-

Renaldo: (interupts) Me tinks the rest of da league is a bunch of botti ridas!!! BOBOBOBO!!!!!

Me: Word…does it concern you that the Knicks drafted at your position this year? Your coming up on a contract year after ’09.

Renaldo: All I neeeed, is mah bitch, and mah weeeeeed! Dat nigga Isaiah isn’t going to be coaching anyways…I smoke to ‘dat.

Me: Did you just take out a blunt? Can I hit that? (puff, puff)

Renaldo: You need some ganja?

Me: Why the fuck are you speakin’ Jamican, nigga? You from South Carolina!!

Renaldo: Just smoke da weeed, niggaaah!

Me: Let’s go to KFC.

Renaldo: Word, BOBOBOBO!!!