The 1st Annual Slizzies

It's nearing the end of the year, and I am handing out awards to the people, things, animals, women, etc. that have made 2007 a special year. I don't want to put it in one article because I know people who read this website have the attention span of me during high school girls volleyball practice, and I can't make the article too long (just kidding, I really mean womens' college volleyball...they don't let me in school zones anymore). Basically I'm going to run down different categories until the final category, which will be "Laredo Slider's Person of the Year".

What is a Slizzie ? It can be two things. It's the trophy I hand out to people who win each category, or it's a slang term for stuff dripping down a girls' back, chest, face, etc. after "making love". Either way, people should be honored to get it (or gettin' it on her). This is an important award, and like the Oscars, Grammy's, etc., I need to create a trophy that is legendary. So, I decided to take the things I liked and put it into one trophy. Hennessey, weed, blunts (Dutchmasters), chicken and hot sauce (Red Rooster), automatic weapons (AR-15), white ho's (Jessica Alba), and a sick crossover. That's all I need in life, and when I hand out the trophy, I want the recipients to feel that this is the only trophy they need in life (even though nobody has a nastier crossover than me). Here it is:

On to the first catagory:

Most Gangsta Operation of the Year

Nominees:

Madison Square Garden - Sexually harassing employees (and nobody gets fired), banging interns

Bad Newz Kennels/Michael Vick - Dogfighting

Pacman Jones - "Making it Rain" in the strip club, triple shooting ensues, Pacman gets 100 hours communtiy service

O.J. Simpson - Stealing back shit that he sold to somebody years back.

Barry Bonds - Breaks Home Run record, on steroids

Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan/Nicole Ritchie/Brittney Spears - Drugs, Alcohol, going the wrong way down highways, getting kids taken away, AND STILL STACKIN' PAPER!!!!

Winner:
Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan/Nicole Ritchie/Brittney Spears
Pacman, Barry, and O.J. were close in the voting, but the they got zeros in the "white ho's that I would fuck" catagory (and I'm sure they would understand). Madison Square Garden had to pay 11 million dollars to some ugly bitch (who NONE of them got pregnant), and the Knicks still suck. Mike Vick is going to spend the next couple of years beating off to National Geographic, in jail (he also lost about 145 million). Bonds was close because people would rather go to jail, than snitch on him, and he hasn't lost money due to his transgressions. Pacman didn't get to play football this year, even though he did "make it rain" in the club. He is real close because "making it rain" is one of the values that I want in Slizzie recipients. And O.J. is going to jail, but he did use overwelming force in stealing his shit back, which is another value that I want in Slizzie recipients. What it comes down to is the four Hollywood broads are sooooooo much more gangsta than any of them. The only people who are getting turned off by these broads are other broads! Broads like other broads like Nicole Kidman, "because she's so classy, and she's a great actress, blah, blah, blah". FUCK DAT!!! I don't like pale bitches who are classy. I like young white ho's, who like to party, and fuck, and drive fast cars, drunk at night down the wrong way of the I-5!!!!! AND THEY STILL STACK CHEDDA!!! The reason that they still get attention is because dudes like them! The only one that is remotely hot is Lohan, but whodatfuck cares?!?! I would marry Brittney Spears right now, and take care of her kids...check that...I would marry Brittney Spears right now and let the kids run around the house sticking their fingers in outlets...while I smoke weed on the couch playing XBOX 360, and spend dat bitches money!!! So, ho's, this Slizzie is for you!

Most Gangsta Operation '07