I was flipping through channels late night, and I ran into a movie I haven't seen in a while, but was one of my favorites as a kid, Gremlins. I know that some of my audience was born after, or around, the time this movie came out (1984). If you haven't seen it, it is a must watch (and if you're female, and you were born on September 28th of 1989, I'm looking to "hit"). The movie is about these hairy creatures who turn into these reptile looking things, and terrorize a town of cracker-ass crackers (there are a couple of things that monsters know when terrorizing cracker-ass crackers...1. Crackers aren't strapped 2. Crackers care about their house more than they care about their children 3. Crackers will not leave their town, unless a lot of black families move in the neighborhood). I thought it was a great movie for kids and adults, until I saw these stereotypical scenes:
1. Asians are only good for being shifty, having exotic animals/house pets, making electronics, and non-filling Asian food (which usually consists of exotic animals/house pets and electronics)
How did the Gremlins get to Crackaville? The father of the protagonist goes to Chinatown, NYC for business and buys the Mogwai (turned Gremlin) from an old Asian dude's grandson.
Here's the problem: In 1984 we were in the midst of a cold war with the U.S.S.R., we were worried about nuclear warheads, and shit like that. So what were the Chinese doing? Watching Gremlins and getting pissed off (and doing math problems). Mogwai translates in Cantonese to, "Evil Spirit". So, basically the movie portrayed the old man as your typical "shifty Asian", who sold evil shit ("Shify Asian" was the name for the old man in the credits, I swear!!) Of course, the Gremlins look like some kind of miniature dragon crossed with beef and broccoli. Asians were probably like, "Ahh, American tink we stupid, dey tink we sell dem beef brocorry monster." Well, guess who's nukes we have to be worried of now? If I was Asian, I would be pissed (and if there are any Asian girls out there born September 29, 1989, I have a beef brocorry monster as big as a Lincoln, I mean Rinkin).
2. Black people, reproduce to much, and turn into animals if they hang-out at chicken places after midnight.
We have this chicken place in Jersey that has bomb-ass chicken, and is open 'till 2 A.M. (no this isn't a "Yo Mama" joke). It's called Kennedy Fried Chicken. Most of my white friends will not go near this place, only for one reason, because of Gremlins, and I'll tell you why.
In the movie, has one Mogwai (which are kind of cute and fuzzy). The Mogwai gets wet, and multiplies. So the main character ends up having about 7 Mogwai after accidentally spilling water on one of them. The Mogwais then get hungry and he has to feed them. There's a couple of problems, though. The Mogwais can't eat after 12 midnight ("Shifty Asian" tells the kid's father this), and all the kid has has a full plate of Fried Chicken (I'm black...I capitalize Fried Chicken, thank you very much). It ends up that it's actually after midnight and the Mogwai's destroy the Fried Chicken. They turn into Gremlins the next day. The racist part here is (1) this family is sooooo white that they put a full plate of Fried Chicken in the refrigerator, just to prove to themselves that they aren't animals, and can have leftovers (in the DVD there is a deleted scene where the mother cooks the fried chicken and tells the son not to "act like a bunch of Negroes and eat it all in one day, because your father is bringing home some food from Shifty Asian Wok". How else could you explain why there is a WHOLE plate of Fried Chicken in the fridge?? Maybe nobody has seen this version, but it exists. Steven Speilberg signed it himself, and sent it to me...he signed it and wrote "stay off of JDate"), and (2) the chicken had to turn those cute animals into blood thirsty monsters. Why? Because they ate it after midnight and they're no better than the crackheads that hang outside of Kennedy's Fried Chicken. So my friends think that if you eat chicken after 12 midnight, then you turn into a blood-starved, crackhead negro!!!
3. The first casualty in the movie is a black man. The Gremlins kill him and then sprinkle coke on the murder scene (I swear!)
First, we'll cover the "Black Man in a Movie Conspiracy Theory". In the 80s, the most popular thing for writers to do was kill the black guy off first. The black man always get killed first. No suspense, no scary music, just a showcase of a killer's/monster's/cop's force in the first half hour of the movie. It introduces us to the strength of the killer, as well as keeps the payroll down (have you ever seen a black dude at the craft services buffet, on set of a movie? It's not pretty...they never leave any chicken for anybody else...and forget about the Hawaiian Punch). So writers decided they like chicken too much to keep these actors around, and they would kill them in the first couple of scenes.
Now in Gremlins, the teacher of the main character's high school chemistry class, was black. The kid brought in the Mogwai to show the teacher, and the teacher was enamored by the way the Mogwai reproduced. The teacher ran tests on the Mogwai after school hours, and left some food out while he was running these tests. The Mogwai ate it, after midnight, and turned into a Gremlin. The teacher notices that the Mogwai-turned-Gremlin escapes it's box, and corners it under a desk (little does he know that he's black, and about to get written off the set). He tries to make peace with the Gremlin by giving it a candy bar (he can't see the Gremlin yet, so he doesn't know that better get a to-go plate in between takes). The Gremlin eats the candy bar, and then bites the finger of the teacher!!! An unseen battle ensues, and in a couple of scenes from then, the main character finds the teacher dead, in the classroom, with a needle stuck in his ass!!!! The racist point here is that the writers wanted the viewer to believe that the Gremlin thought that the teacher's black hand was a five pack of Kit Kats!!! And the needle in the ass? The writers thought, "Hey how can a foot-tall stuffed animal kill a black guy? Lets just stick a needle in his ass and chalk it up to his heroin habit. Hey, it's 1984 and he's black. Let's get some Hawaiian Punch in celebration" (In the previous scene, the main character's mother takes out three of the Gremlins with no problem. I'm supposed to believe that one of these midget monsters is going to take out a brotha? Bullshit). This has changed peoples perceptions. My whole life people were like, "You're so good with animals." When they really wanted to say, "My dog thinks you're a giant Crunch bar." White people have dogs that only bark at black people, and they say "I don't know what's gotten into Cujo." I do...Cujo has never heard a giant Snickers bar talk, bitch!!!!
This movie should be right up there with Boyz in the Hood, The Fast and the Furious, and Rush Hour I, II, and III as the a movie that introduced white America to the Asian and Black cultures. Its also incredibly racist. So racist that Steven Spielberg has adopted a bunch of black kids, and he doesn't let them eat after midnight, either.
1. Asians are only good for being shifty, having exotic animals/house pets, making electronics, and non-filling Asian food (which usually consists of exotic animals/house pets and electronics)
How did the Gremlins get to Crackaville? The father of the protagonist goes to Chinatown, NYC for business and buys the Mogwai (turned Gremlin) from an old Asian dude's grandson.
Here's the problem: In 1984 we were in the midst of a cold war with the U.S.S.R., we were worried about nuclear warheads, and shit like that. So what were the Chinese doing? Watching Gremlins and getting pissed off (and doing math problems). Mogwai translates in Cantonese to, "Evil Spirit". So, basically the movie portrayed the old man as your typical "shifty Asian", who sold evil shit ("Shify Asian" was the name for the old man in the credits, I swear!!) Of course, the Gremlins look like some kind of miniature dragon crossed with beef and broccoli. Asians were probably like, "Ahh, American tink we stupid, dey tink we sell dem beef brocorry monster." Well, guess who's nukes we have to be worried of now? If I was Asian, I would be pissed (and if there are any Asian girls out there born September 29, 1989, I have a beef brocorry monster as big as a Lincoln, I mean Rinkin).
2. Black people, reproduce to much, and turn into animals if they hang-out at chicken places after midnight.
We have this chicken place in Jersey that has bomb-ass chicken, and is open 'till 2 A.M. (no this isn't a "Yo Mama" joke). It's called Kennedy Fried Chicken. Most of my white friends will not go near this place, only for one reason, because of Gremlins, and I'll tell you why.
In the movie, has one Mogwai (which are kind of cute and fuzzy). The Mogwai gets wet, and multiplies. So the main character ends up having about 7 Mogwai after accidentally spilling water on one of them. The Mogwais then get hungry and he has to feed them. There's a couple of problems, though. The Mogwais can't eat after 12 midnight ("Shifty Asian" tells the kid's father this), and all the kid has has a full plate of Fried Chicken (I'm black...I capitalize Fried Chicken, thank you very much). It ends up that it's actually after midnight and the Mogwai's destroy the Fried Chicken. They turn into Gremlins the next day. The racist part here is (1) this family is sooooo white that they put a full plate of Fried Chicken in the refrigerator, just to prove to themselves that they aren't animals, and can have leftovers (in the DVD there is a deleted scene where the mother cooks the fried chicken and tells the son not to "act like a bunch of Negroes and eat it all in one day, because your father is bringing home some food from Shifty Asian Wok". How else could you explain why there is a WHOLE plate of Fried Chicken in the fridge?? Maybe nobody has seen this version, but it exists. Steven Speilberg signed it himself, and sent it to me...he signed it and wrote "stay off of JDate"), and (2) the chicken had to turn those cute animals into blood thirsty monsters. Why? Because they ate it after midnight and they're no better than the crackheads that hang outside of Kennedy's Fried Chicken. So my friends think that if you eat chicken after 12 midnight, then you turn into a blood-starved, crackhead negro!!!
3. The first casualty in the movie is a black man. The Gremlins kill him and then sprinkle coke on the murder scene (I swear!)
First, we'll cover the "Black Man in a Movie Conspiracy Theory". In the 80s, the most popular thing for writers to do was kill the black guy off first. The black man always get killed first. No suspense, no scary music, just a showcase of a killer's/monster's/cop's force in the first half hour of the movie. It introduces us to the strength of the killer, as well as keeps the payroll down (have you ever seen a black dude at the craft services buffet, on set of a movie? It's not pretty...they never leave any chicken for anybody else...and forget about the Hawaiian Punch). So writers decided they like chicken too much to keep these actors around, and they would kill them in the first couple of scenes.
Now in Gremlins, the teacher of the main character's high school chemistry class, was black. The kid brought in the Mogwai to show the teacher, and the teacher was enamored by the way the Mogwai reproduced. The teacher ran tests on the Mogwai after school hours, and left some food out while he was running these tests. The Mogwai ate it, after midnight, and turned into a Gremlin. The teacher notices that the Mogwai-turned-Gremlin escapes it's box, and corners it under a desk (little does he know that he's black, and about to get written off the set). He tries to make peace with the Gremlin by giving it a candy bar (he can't see the Gremlin yet, so he doesn't know that better get a to-go plate in between takes). The Gremlin eats the candy bar, and then bites the finger of the teacher!!! An unseen battle ensues, and in a couple of scenes from then, the main character finds the teacher dead, in the classroom, with a needle stuck in his ass!!!! The racist point here is that the writers wanted the viewer to believe that the Gremlin thought that the teacher's black hand was a five pack of Kit Kats!!! And the needle in the ass? The writers thought, "Hey how can a foot-tall stuffed animal kill a black guy? Lets just stick a needle in his ass and chalk it up to his heroin habit. Hey, it's 1984 and he's black. Let's get some Hawaiian Punch in celebration" (In the previous scene, the main character's mother takes out three of the Gremlins with no problem. I'm supposed to believe that one of these midget monsters is going to take out a brotha? Bullshit). This has changed peoples perceptions. My whole life people were like, "You're so good with animals." When they really wanted to say, "My dog thinks you're a giant Crunch bar." White people have dogs that only bark at black people, and they say "I don't know what's gotten into Cujo." I do...Cujo has never heard a giant Snickers bar talk, bitch!!!!
This movie should be right up there with Boyz in the Hood, The Fast and the Furious, and Rush Hour I, II, and III as the a movie that introduced white America to the Asian and Black cultures. Its also incredibly racist. So racist that Steven Spielberg has adopted a bunch of black kids, and he doesn't let them eat after midnight, either.
Beef Brocorry ATTACK!!!
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1 comments:
I have heard of this movie from a friend of mine on interracialmatch.com,but I never have a chance to see it.
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