Hooker-Off Update

Ivanovic wins...Sharapova wins...finals tomorrow..

People know I'm half-Jamaican, but what people don't know is that I'm three quarters Hatian. I come from a long line of Voodoo practicing, witch doctors. After writing yesterday's article, I said to myself, "I wonder if I can use Voodoo to F one of these girls?" So I called my witch doctor aunt. I asked her if it was possible to "F" somebody from 8,000 miles away. She said yes...find out what nationality they are, make a food dish from their country, and stick your dick in it. So now I had to figure out which one of these broads I wanted to "F", and I wanted to do it while they were playing on T.V. They are all Eastern Bloc, and the only dish I could make from their countries was a shot of vodka. I called my aunt and asked her if that meant I could F them all at the same time. She said maybe, but I might accidentally "F" Vladimir Radmonivic, so I had to pass. Then I remembered Jelena Jankovic had those chinky eyes! I ran to the cupboard, poured vodka, soy sauce, duck sauce, nail polish, and a roll of film all into a wok, and stuck my dick in it... It worked, and I have the proof:

First of all, my dick was burning, so I wondered if I channeled some other Asian-hooker type, but then, in the middle of the first set Jankovic started showing signs of getting F'd:

I wanted to take it easy on her, but I couldn't help myself. She was obviously puzzled wondering how somebody could do this, so then she called in a trainer:

The trainer didn't understand what Jankovic was talking about, but I knew. She pleaded with the side judge saying, "A dick this big is fucking me. How do you expect me to play tennis?"

Nobody understood her because of her heavy accent, and because I figured out how to channel her mouth. I also channeled her ass, and after I was done there, she lost control of her ability to "stop from going number 2". She had to take a timeout in the locker room:

So, I've done everything I wanted to do...now it's time for the grand finale. No eye will be spared...POW, right in the kisser...

I guess I should stay a talk a little after such an intimate encounter, but it would look silly for me to talk into a wok. Anyways, that's what trainers are for: