I propose...two more lead pipe locks

Some of you are probably wondering when an article from the Double B is going to appear on LaredoSlider.com again. Was there a falling out between the Double B and Laredo? Is there a 168 hour sale going on somewhere that is keeping the Double B away from the keyboard? Is there a Jewish holiday (other than a 168 hour sale) that prohibits the Double B from turning on a computer? Is typing too athletic, and dangerous, for the Double B? Can Laredo Slider come up with more Jewish jokes? I'll answer all the questions for ya: No, Maybe, Maybe, Probably, All Day Long, Biaaattch! Truth is, he has typed an article, but I'm really superstious right now, and holding on to it. Today marks a week from when the biggest Super Bowl, in a long time, kicks off. My Giants are hot, and as a fan I need to keep all loser fans from this site (The Double B is a Bears fan). I don't want whatever "mojo" Rex Grossman had last year rubbing off on my team. This year's underdogs are for real, and I'm not writing about the game for a reason. I need to keep things in perspective, and reserve all my energy for the 5-state riot I'm going on after the game. So everybody gets to read about Hooker-Offs, college hoops, and the NBA. Today is an NBA day...two games on ABC...Boston at Orlando and Kobe vs. Bron...

Yesterday, I picked two gems, and if you played them, no need for thanks...just send hookers, Guiness, and weed to my room, if I visit your city (see Mathematical Equation below). Today's games are tough because you never know when NBA players want to play. Some nights they just mail it in. Can I call these two games "Lead Pipe Locks"? I guess I can, but be cautious whenever you play the NBA...

Boston (-2) at Orlando

This is actually easy money. Boston is favored by two, but they will probably win by more than a bucket. Just to show how fixed the NBA is, I'll predict the game:

One o'clock starting time means that most of the players are half asleep (some of them would be getting to bed at this time). Boston comes out hot and almost buries Orlando early on. But, wait! The game is on ABC! The refs step in and rig the game to make it close in quarters 2 through 4. Maurice Evans and Keith Bogans try to break the record for most bricks tossed up, then the ABC cameras center in on J.J. Redick on the bench. They then say, "he can help a team somewhere". I then say, "yeah, in Korea...North Korea". Kevin Garnett almost gets ejected, Dwight Howard misses some big free throws, and Ray Allen gets hot down the stretch. Celts win 99-93

Cavs (+4) at The Lake Show

Kobe vs. LeBron, the two best players in the galaxy. The Lakers haven't been the same since Andrew Bynum has gone down, and the Cavs have been hot. This may be an epic game because 1.) LeBron doesn't fully believe he is the best player in the world, and he has to beat Kobe to prove it, and 2.) Kobe still knows he is the best, but his teammates have gone back to sucking, so he will shoot every time. Somebody is going for 50. Look for Kwame Brown to thoroughly embarrass himself 3 times this game. Jordan Farmar (the best Jewish player, EVER) will have an oppritunity at a wide open layup, and then take a three pointer because of the better value. Cavs win 107-101 (Kobe drops 53)...

Last, and certainly least, is the on-ice proposal of marriage from John Baldwin to Rena Inoue, last night. They are figure skating partners and after they finished their routine yesterday, Baldwin got on one knee and proposed (he actually had to do it twice, she didn't hear him the first time) Did I mention she is Asian? I love when I order Asian food and I order with the actual name of the dish (ex. Kung-Pao Shrimp), and they don't understand what you want. Then I'm like, "I'll take a 53" (the number of the dish on the menu). Then they ask, "Eggroorr?" (egg roll). Then I say yes, thinking that I was going to get a complimentary egg roll. Then 53 egg rolls show up an hour and a half later. What am I trying to get at? Don't ask Asian women to get married, if you end up having to ask twice, because in two years you'll realize you didn't get what you asked for and you'll have to put up with 53 of her non-vaccinated relatives showing up to live with you forever!

I think she thought he was gay...