Reggie!!! Don't Do It!!!

Dear Reggie,

I was alarmed last week to find out that you were engaged to Kim Kardashian. I’m not hating, I’m just looking out for the best college football player I’ve ever seen. In matter of fact, I would understand marrying Kim Kardashian if you were an everyday joe, or a c-list actor. I would marry her right now. One, you are Reggie Bush and you shouldn’t make this mistake. You should learn from Kobe. Don’t get married when you are a famous athlete. You should be running through co-eds and groupies like they’re running out of style. Two, that ass ain’t getting any smaller. Kim ass looks good right now, but I give it 4 years before it falls off like Heisman-winning, Trojan running backs who wear number 25, for the New Orleans Saints. She has what I like to call the “Reggie Bush of Asses”. Against mediocre competition, it’s looks good. If I’m you, Reggie, I would get a girl with a skinny waist and big titties. Then I hook her up with a Brazilian Ass Implant. Then I would dump her and do the same thing to another girl. I would do this until the streets are filled with fat-ass girls, with skinny asses and big titties. And, the girl should be younger. Kim is 27, that’s about ten more years than the girl you should be dating!! Another rule you should live by: If you’re a famous athlete, only date Brazilians, Puerto Ricans, Columbians, Cubans, any nationality mixed with the previous four, or sexy, coke snorting European bitches. Kim is Armenian! Do you know what that means? Well you haven’t read Laredo’s Guide for Dating Armenians (or Persians), have you? You couldn’t have, because I’m writing it for you right now. I attached it to this letter. Good luck next year, Reggie!

P.S. – You are one year from being considered a bust. Lendale White is a better running back than you. Get your head screwed on straight. From one black man to another, consider dating white bitches. Just don’t kill them, get in a police chase, and rob people for shit you sold them like that other great USC running back.

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Laredo’s Guide for Dating Armenians (or Persians)

So, Mr. Bush, you met a nice Armenian (or Persian) girl. Think again. She’s probably a Mexican-American mix who speaks good English, because Armenians (of Persians) aren’t nice. They are strong people with family values. You must quickly assimilate with these people, and their families, if you want to be considered one of their own. Here are their values, in order of importance:

1. Managing Rug Stores
2. Driving like suicide bombers
3. Never waiting in line at any club (because their cousin knows the owner)
4. Using the express lane, at the supermarket, with 100 items.
5. Leaving shopping cart in said lane
6. Mercedes S-Class Cars (if it’s lower than a 600, then take the numbers off the back)
7. Gold
8. Getting items for free when there is clearly a price on the item
9. Raising their voices anywhere and everywhere for no good reason

For more on Armenians (or Persians) scroll one line down to the FAQs.

FAQ’s

What separates Armenians (or Persians) from Jews?

I’m always asked this question (because of number 7 and 8 on the list of values…and, yes, I do know some Persians and Armenians are Jewish). It’s simple…Jews are less violent. Tell a Jew he can’t have an item for free, and then they don’t spend money in your store anymore. Tell an Armenian/Persian they can’t have the item, and it’s JIHAD!!!!

Are Persians/Armenians Athletic?

No. But, if you play sports with them, they usually pass to their own.

What part of the World are Persians/Armenians from?

Look at the map and guess.

What does a typical Armenian/Persian family tree look like?

It’s actually called a Family Cactus, and it looks like any traditional family tree. What happens when a black and a Armenian get together? I used my computer to formulate what will happen if Kim and Reggie have a kid and put him in a typical family tree. If I'm you, Reggie, I would be pissed if my kid had a class project that looked like this (click it to see the full size):

Why aren’t Armenians/Persians complimentary?

They don’t give credit to anybody. They just use cash.

Reggie, don’t do it…look at Ray J’s career now that he dated her. He went from R&B clown to porn star (maybe it wasn't a bad move for him). You have one year to figure shit out, and rush for 1500 yards. If you don’t, I might have to write a “Why is Kim Kardashian married to Reggie Bush” article…Peace!!!!