Rambo Pre-Review

I hope everybody knows what today is. It's the day where women, children, and terrorists can all get killed for no good reason. It's the day where bow and fire-arrows and bare hands are weapons of mass destruction. It's a day where America says, "thank God for HGH because this movie wouldn't be possible without it." It's a day where a movie comes out where some country in Asia gets terrorized by one man, making them look like pussies, but since it takes 15 years for them to see the movie (because we bombed the shit out of them in WWII), it don't matter. Today, Rambo comes out.

As I prepare for the movie, I look to see where it's playing, etc., and there I see reviews. One out of five stars, two out of four...are you serious?!? These reviewers don't understand the beauty of Rambo killing everybody on screen...they say it's more violent than any other movie they have seen (which is a reason to give the movie 4 stars outright). Then they make fun of the plot. Dumbasses. The plot is to kill everything moving. It's like when you got pissed off at "Duck Hunt", when you were a kid, and just pressed the gun against the TV screen and squeezed the trigger rapidly. To all the reviewers: I'm sorry this movie isn't Juno...in this movie bitches are impregnated, and everybody is aborted with the bare hands of a trained killer. Oh, and I'm sorry this isn't Atonement...if the enemy would have atoned, Rambo wouldn't have to go into this shithole and clean it up. This movie is closer to No Country for Old Men. Rambo in Burma automatically brings the life expectancy down, for males, from 19 to 4. Not to mention, the killer here won't get caught (even though this movie will have an ending with closure).

I haven't seen the movie, but I'm going to give my pre-review rating....5 out of 5 stars. I have always wanted to go to a movie where I could sit in the back row, and throw ketchup covered, raw ground beef at the screen and patrons (just to increase the realism). I can't wait...stay tuned for the real review later tonight.